Tuesday, November 30, 2010

A Choice

Have you ever noticed the beauty of a tall, green tree against a dark, storm sky? The bright green over the deep grey has a peculiar beauty- terrible yet enthralling, ethereal and strange. It is the kind of beauty that nature creates by forcing two extremes of itself; the misfit providing the essence.

Of late, life has taken on such an aspect. A constant sense of melancholy from no particular source, obscured by sunny college life, friends' jokes and warm evenings at home. But the smiles are loaned, the happiness fake and shallow.

I don't know why or how, but I believe everyone reaches a point in life where things start to feel more mechanical than spontaneous. As if your life were borrowed from someone else's; as if you were intruding into someone's personal affairs, talking to her family and making merry with her friends. Its a sort of surrealistic feeling, perpetually living in two people's lives- one happy and the other, well, not-so-happy. And it puts you into a lot of stress.

You don't know which part of your heart to listen to. Do you, like you want for yourself, retreat into the haloed shelter of solitude? Or do you continue pretending to see the brightness just so the people around you can keep smiling? Its as if your view of the world, which was colourful, has suddenly been reprogrammed to grey-scale, but the vibrant colours overlap and mix with this perception. like a scarlet thread running through a brocade of sombre blues and greys.

What would you choose if you had to- the fickle, brilliantly green foliage or the seemingly solid melancholy clods?

Or do you blame the person who gave you this choice between life and life?

Thursday, November 18, 2010

eyes are birds and eyes are cheats!!!

For everyone who's wondering what the title is- they're titles of two of my favourite hindi film songs; 'Nain Parindey' from Lafangey Parindey and 'Naina Thag Lenge' from Omkara. Soulful tracks, both describing eyes as the ultimate vehicle of emotions.... As to why i'm saying all this, well i was listening to them on my phone just a little while back and was struck by their contrast! (odd thing to do, i know!!)

Nevertheless, let me get on with my story. You see, the first track is a rather paradoxical one; Deepika Padukone, tragically blinded in the film, is singing (as in the manner of hindi films) of the beauty, light and hope that eyes give you; where eyes are more like birds, flapping away into a sky of hope, dreams and beauty. In the next track, however, Rahat Fateh Ali Khan very knowledgeably and with a great deal of pain tells us to beware of your very eyes because they would cheat you while you are wide awake.

Funnily enough it got me thinking of how like life these songs were. On one hand you have your dreams. Your mind goes wandering into fantasies it creates every time it can, almost making you deal a double life of sorts; one rooted in reality and the other fluttering in dreams. and while you merrily play along this double life, fate cheats you big time - your hopes are dashed, your wishes made unheard, your dreams unfulfilled.

I've not yet figured out why we're chosen to play a drama where we know only less than half the script. Who writes it? Who's the damned director? Can the character choose, apart from in his haziest thoughts, to alter the story? And what, in essence, is the more important thing in life- the birds or the beguiling charm?

Wednesday, November 10, 2010

a sun behind the clouds

so often in life, you're "down".... in proper words- depressed, and maybe a little depraved while at it! and then something unexpected comes up.... and voila! things seem brighter all of a sudden!!!

like today. a most extraordinary thing happened... i'd been in some sort of depression for weeks now. god knows why, just in the mood for it, i suppose. and i hate myself when i'm like that; i fight with people, shut myself in my room, listen to sad songs, etc., etc. but today my mom changed it for me.... and how!

i was in college, trying to concentrate on the eastern dance competition when i felt my bag vibrating. discreetly i took my phone out to see mom had texted me!!! wonder of wonders!!!! she'd messaged to say that her favourite novelist was in town for a talk. once home, she literally hijacked me to the venue: we reached just on time. the talk was good in totality, but for a person more interested in the english script, certain references were incomprehensible! and then mom and i tried, nervously, to talk to the writer concerned, simply to see if he remembered any of those autographed books... second miracle of the day- he did!! once he saw his signature and a date, 34 years back, he remembered exactly whom he was talking to.

i don't know why i smiled from that moment onwards, i don't know what it was about a well-heard-of, but little-read writer that pulled me up from a state of perpetual frowns, but i want to thank that little bespectacled sun, who took his chance and shined out over my overcast days.

this piece of randomness is for m.mukundan, unaware though he might be of his effect, made me smile truly, in a long long while.:)